I think what hurt the most this episode, was the fact both Victor and Yuuri are always thinking about the other, and I mean…
…when taking decisions. When looking at their future and at their past selves. ALL WHAT THEY DO, THEY TRY TO DO IT FOR THE OTHER. AND THIS SCENE IS NO DIFFERENT.
We know Yuuri has already decided this, since Victor went back to Japan… that he’ll end everything after the final. He has no doubts about it, he trusts his decision, he trusts this is the best for Victor alone, he doesn’t care about him.
And you can hear it, just by the tone in his voice, when he says this… you can actually hear how it slightly trembles at first, IT HURST FOR HIM, ending things, but he has already decided, and he knows there’s no turning back, not when all he cares about is Victor’s well being.
THIS BOY HAS NO CLUE AS TO HOW THE OTHER MAN FEELS, EVEN AFTER EVERYTHING THAT HAS BEEN GOING ON, HE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND HOW IS THAT VICTOR REALLY LOOKS AT HIM. HOW THE OTHER MAN HAS BEEN LOOKING AT HIM SINCE THAT ONE NIGHT.
While Victor, in the other hand, has found a whole new world because of Yuuri.
He wants to return all that to him, he wants to repay him in some way, and the other boy has not even a clue. He has no idea how much has change for Victor since he came to his life.
ALL THIS was build up since the beginning, and that’s why I think the free skating program next episode will have a whole new meaning. Because what they created together, it’s now coming to and end. And here is when their decisions WILL matter. The next steps they both decide to take are what will change their lives forever.
The Earth energy is sense, groundedness and practicality.
The Air energy is intellect, ideas, cerebral qualities.
The Water energy is the breakdown of barriers, creativity and intuition.
The Cardinal energy is a forward moving energy.
The Fixed energy is a unwavering one.
The Mutable energy is a changeable one.
Cardinal Fire Aries. Fixed Earth Taurus. Mutable Air Gemini. Cardinal Water Cancer. Fixed Fire Leo. Mutable Earth Virgo. Cardinal Air Libra. Fixed Water Scorpio. Mutable Fire Sagittarius. Cardinal Earth Capricorn. Fixed Air Aquarius. Mutable Water Pisces.
Shout out to people like me who have parents who are loving but are black holes of emotional labor… It took me a long time to realize that it’s okay to have mixed feelings about your parents, about your relationship with them.
Sometimes parents can love you but be somewhat toxic to you and your growth, and that’s a very hard realization to come to if you, like me, grew up extremely close to them.
Sometimes parents can love you genuinely but lack emotional maturity, forcing you to perform disproportionate amounts of emotional labor. Some parents manifest symptoms of their mental illness in ways that are toxic to your mental illness.
Some parents, like mine, try so hard to be good parents but fall back on habits of emotional manipulation because they haven’t processed their own traumas and are modeling behavior they grew up with. That doesn’t make their behavior acceptable, and it’s okay to feel exhausted and hurt when they betray you. You don’t have to forgive every mistake.
I want you to know that it’s okay to protect yourself, to need some space apart from them. The love you have for your parents is still valid, and you are making the right decision.
Placing a safe emotional distance between myself and my parents has been one of the most difficult, heartbreaking processes I’ve ever gone through… it hurts to try to curb the strength of your own natural empathy around people you love. It feels disingenuous to your heart’s natural state.
But I promise you, you are not hard-hearted or ungrateful, and you are not abandoning them. You are making a decision about your own emotional, mental, and spiritual health.
I know what it’s like in that confusing grey area of love mixed with guilt and anxiety, of exhaustion and quasi-manipulation and unreciprocated emotional labor, and I promise you, you are not alone.
high school musical 2s “I dont dance” is a metaphor for homosexuality/bisexuality and here’s why:
in the song, dancing (stereotypically associated with women and gay men) represents same-gender attraction and the more “masculine” sport, baseball, represents heterosexuality. Ryan tells chad “I’ll show you that it’s one and the same” – that being gay is as valid as being straight, and that it is nothing to be ashamed of. ryan is clearly proud of being able to dance
Ryan encourages chad to “swing like him”, bearing in mind ryan is strongly implied to be gay and the word swing is often used with regards to sexuality, ie “I don’t swing that way”
Chad displays a stereotypical masculine bravado, he is clearly trying to impress Ryan, he tells him “I’ve got what it takes… so you better spin that pitch you’re gonna throw me”, while reasserting his definite heterosexuality, he adds “I’ll show you how I swing”
Chad also implies that he experiences gay feelings but represses them. When ryan tells him “You’ll never know if you never try”, chad replies “there’s just one thing that stops me every time”. this shows his fear of social rejection and his own internalised homophobia
as the song progresses this becomes more obvious, chad goes from saying he “doesn’t” dance to saying he “can’t” even though it is clear that he is actually a good dancer while also being skilled at baseball
from this we can guess that chad is bisexual and that ryan is either bisexual or gay, though we can assume his preference lies with men at this point
on top of this there is the obvious underlying sexual tension running throughout the song. they switch between confrontational and flirty; there’s a lot of smiling and eyebrow waggling going on, and when they do dance they get all up in each others personal space
the song ends with ryan falling on top of chad. in the following scene, they are wearing each other’s clothes
make sure that you eat even if you don’t have an appetite. take a shower. do your laundry. wrap yourself in blankets. take yourself outside for a walk. make that phone call. read that book. talk to your friend. take yourself out of your own mind.
don’t sit there and stare at the wall. don’t do it.
make an online post, watch videos of cute animals, draw a picture. do your dishes while listening to music. read two pages for your exam. finish that assignment. but don’t lie in your bed as the minutes creep by.
i mean, sometimes you will, but try not to. take care of yourself.
this is not possible for everyone and i understand if it’s not possible for you. and maybe you don’t need it! maybe things aren’t so bad! but maybe you’ve been kind of sad for a really long time now, and it might be a good idea to at least check with someone.
maybe you’ve been just really tired. or weirdly irritated. maybe you don’t get hungry anymore. maybe you don’t sleep, or you sleep too much. it really, really doesn’t hurt to talk to someone, just in case. if you can.
it was really hard for me to even make an appointment. i cried. my doctor was running late and i sat almost half an hour in an empty cold hospital waiting to talk to him. i nearly cried talking to the doctor, too. it was very embarrassing. i’m telling you so you’ll know you probably won’t be as embarrassing.
take your time. start by telling a friend or a parent about you being very sad. do it in text if you can’t say it out loud – i told my friend in facebook chat. go from there.
nobody else can really figure out why you’re so sad
they can help you figure it out, obviously. therapists can be great at this, i’m told. (i’ll get to one one day)
you can also do your own soul-searching. what kind of situations seem to make things worse? are there things or people in your life that seem to make you sad? sometimes we can spiral into sadness from perceived rejection, sometimes it can be the fear of failure and sometimes you can just be in such a shitty situation that every day is a struggle. (note: i’m only talking about what i’ve perceived, this is not official Mental Health Facts)
anyway, sometimes figuring out what makes you tick can help you find coping mechanisms. you probably won’t find any easy fixes, i’m afraid, but you might figure out to ask your loved one to tell you that they love you when your brain is screaming at you and you just need another person’s reassurance that you’re worth something.
your brain is a liar, sometimes
sure, it’s your brain. those are your emotions. they aren’t any less valid even if your brain is hell-bent on keeping you sad. but it’s a tricksy bastard who likes skewing up the perspective. keep tabs on things that make you happy too. don’t take it on face-value when your mind says you performed awfully. don’t believe it when you seem to think everyone secretly hates you. (at worst, they’re just ambivalent, which really isn’t so bad)
i know, i know this is difficult, i’m cringing as i’m writing this because when i’m really sad, everything good seems to slip through my fingers and every kind word feels like it’s secretly mocking me. sometimes i can only cling onto one, maybe two good things in my life i feel like i can trust, but when that happens, hold onto them tight. think about sunrise, or next year, or that good thing. (they love you even if you put your cold feet against their warm ones)
no matter what happens or whatever you are, or whatever you do or don’t do, you’re worth something. unconditionally.
Cadet-For-Your-SpaceRescue 