How to be nice to introverts if you’re an extrovert

ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is:

Do not make them go outside. If they never go outside and get rickets it is because they are TOO SMART FOR BONES.

Do not make them go to parties even if they are in their own house. ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE IN THEIR OWN HOUSE. Introverts hate people, fun, joy, alcohol, dancing, music, noise, and snacks. If you wish to celebrate anything you should send them an email on the internet, which is their real house. Do not give them things. They do not like things.

Do not ask your introvert how their day was or how they are or anything casual, because that is small talk, which is for small minds. If they try to talk about sports or how cool tornadoes are or their favorite show, they are just trying to attempt to be nice to you because they know how dumb you are so you can gain their trust by saying “I know you are just trying to be nice by talking about sports and the weather and pop culture gossip. Tell me about your soul.”

Be a cat.

Remember that introverts have more feelings and needs than you and they will not be attending your graduation, wedding, grandmother’s funeral, nor will they pick you up from the airport or visit you in the hospital. There will be other people there.

You know how extroverts love it when someone publicly humiliates them? They just can’t get enough of that public humiliation! Introverts do not like this. They are the only ones who do not like this.

Let introverts practice their social skills on you. You will need to go to their house though. Could you do 6? Oh you have happy hour? That’s fine I guess that you need to fill your hours with meaningless chatter instead of traveling across town to help them for free on demand. No, they’ll be fine. They’ll be totally fine. They’re not mad? Just disappointed but it’s fine.

Be a book.

Sometimes the introvert might go outside of their own accord! If they go on walks with headphones in, or go alone to bookstores or libraries, or to coffee shops, or museums, they are still an introvert. If they go anywhere else they are not, and definitely if they go to any event with more than 5 people they are an extrovert. Introverts hate people. That’s what introvert means, you idiot.

Remember that they are smarter and better than you. They don’t need any external validation, the way you, an extrovert, do, which is definitely why they don’t spend lots of time on the internet reading about how special and superior they are.

Never encourage them to leave their comfort zone. They can’t. They don’t have bones anymore. How could you be so insensitive? Oh right you are an extrovert, that’s why.